What Will Replace the Lumbersexual?

Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for The Goods by Vox. You can also see what we’re up to by signing up here.

The Lumbersexual spawned lifestyle trends, gift guides saturated in beard oil, and probably a few kids named "Forest." At once a symbol and a cliché, his beard and work boots provided a convenient foil to the realities of urban male masculinity where opportunities to chop, forage, and distill straight up don't exist. There was something about downing whiskey and accenting one's Brooklyn loft with antlers that seemed, well, manly.

But lately (and in large part due to the efforts of every shaving and beer brand), the Lumbersexual has become about as sexy as its aught era equivalent, the metrosexual. (See also: swipe left). So who will rise and take his place atop the mantle of masculinity After an exhaustive search of every single dating app, we've boiled down the contenders.

The Recresexual

Overview

The Competitive Recresexual, or simply the Recresexual, is the stuff of urban legend. His very existence has been confirmed only recently by street style photographers at men's fashion week. He wears Nikes with a suit, knows his way around a man bun, and has an Instagram feed that's apparently professionally photographed. He doesn't stop at athleisure, but exists in a state of athluxury. The Creative Recresexual sweats nothing; he's far too busy being #outhere playing so many #sports.

Mode of transport: "Dope" sneakers and airplanes (#wingshot)

Drink of choice: Green juice and a dirty martini emoji

Celebrity spirit animal: With over 10K Instagram followers, he is his own famous person.

Signature accessory: Swagger, a personal trainer, and a #nice camera

Tinder conversation starter: N/A

Odds of replacing the Lumbersexual: Good. These men are great at developing their personal brand, so it won't be difficult to widely replicate. Plus, "sports, but fancy" isn't a tough mental leap for men to make.

The Motosexual

Overview

From Bushwick, the hood that brought you lumbersexuality, comes an unexpectedly backwards twist on male masculinity: the biker. A true rogue, The Motosexual craves the open road, some dece' BBQ, and an entourage of vaguely terrifying middle-aged friends.

Mode of Transport: 1970 Husquvarna, extra points for a sidecar used to transport his rescue pup

Celebrity Spirit Animal: Steve McQueen with a splash of The Dude

Drink of Choice: Black Hog Brewing Co. beer

Signature Accessory: Bandanna and/or vintage helmet

Tinder conversation starter: Hey babe.

Odds of replacing the Lumbersexual: Decent chance. The Motorsexual shares roots and hipster hotness with the Lumbersexual, but frightening entourage of leather-clad men doesn't skew mainstream.

The Regular Dude

Overview

Thanks to the popularization of "dad bod," the Regular Dude is enjoying a moment, positioned as the dialectic to the groomed and artisan curated male. Identifiable by his deep Seamless game, this guy is just trying to live, listen to some Drake, and drink some IPA real quick.

Mode of Transport: CitiBike by day, Uber by night

Celebrity Spirit Animal: Aspires to be present tense Leonardo DiCaprio, but is more so a past tense Jimmy Kimmel.

Drink of Choice: Whatever's on tap

Signature Accessory: Golf clubs, polo shirt, and a cigar

Tinder conversation starter: What up?

Odds of replacing the Lumbersexual: Ehhh. There's something sexy about this guy's red-blooded normalcy and something not-sexy-at-all about dad bod.

The Alpha Founder

Overview

The Alpha Founder shares DNA with the iBanker's of the early 2000s, but he's traded the glory of Wall Street for the start-up grind. He boasts multiple Ivy League degrees and believes that his organic tea-ordering app will disrupt everything.

Mode of transport: Test-driving a Tesla

Celebrity spirit animal: Richard Hendricks with a side of Richard Gere

Drink of Choice: Success, but he's been dabbling in pot thanks to a buddy's new cannabis subscription service.

Signature accessory: iPhone 6, Warby Parker glasses

Tinder conversation starter: Hey there. Fun plans this weekend? It looks like we have tons of friends in common! Do you know a lot of people from Harvard?

Odds of replacing the Lumbersexual: Medium possible. Thanks to Silicon Valley, there's definitely an interest in this trope, but ultimately these guys are way too overachieving to spearhead an out-of-app movement.