25 Things to Buy Instead of Another Five Dollar Iced Coffee

Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for The Goods by Vox. You can also see what we’re up to by signing up here.

1. Automated massage chair-massage at your local laundromat
2. 1/2 pound of organic chicken breast
3. Garbage travel-sized conditioner Sephora positions at the checkout line
4. A pack of pens marketed towards girls called "Fashion Sticks"
5. Four dollars (plus processing charge) to the Let's Give Bob Dylan a Nice Bed! GoFundMe
6. The Other Woman starring Natalie Portman on Blu-ray
7. Almost a whole door knob from Anthropologie
8. In-app purchase during a hard level of Angry Birds 2
9. Five years of owning the domain name fartshop.com
10. Four packs of bobby pins. You always need more bobby pins.
11. Twelve-pack of Taco Bell's New Cap'n Crunch Delights
12. Betty and Veronica Double Digest No. 139
13. Assorted "Keep Calm and Carry On" merchandise on clearance at Target
14. Two months of Laguna Beach's Kristen Cavallari's eponymous lifestyle app
15. 100 off-brand Vitamin D capsules
16. Five oysters at happy hour
17. Two meatballs from the Whole Foods hot bar
18. Misspelled inner lip tattoo
19. Box of cardboard "earth friendly" tampons
20. Bouquet of rainbow-dyed carnations from the check-out aisle
21. Joke Venmo money exchange to show the world at large you have friends and disposable income
22. Really good hot dog
23. Nameplate keychain memento spelled the less common way your name is sometimes spelled
24. Pair of comedy vampire teeth from Party City
25. Moisturizing Korean snailmask

Claire Carusillo lives in a bedroom in New York City. Follow @clocarus for an open discussion of books, bread, and eyebrows.